Don't really know where to start with this post. Been pondering it for a few hours and still can't really get straight in my head what exactly is upsetting me.
To try to keep the story short, I had a suitcase in our loft filled with clothes that I outgrew years ago, definitely over 8-9 years before I lost a bit of weight to get pregnant with DD. I got hubby to get it down from the loft a month or so ago and tried several of the items on. A couple fit but most were still too small.
Anyway, fast forward to today, I've only lost about another 4-5lbs since I last tried the clothes on, but I seem to have suddenly gone down another size in clothing and everyone is asking me how much more weight I've lost because I look to have lost a lot more. So I decided to try some of them on again and was ecstatic to find that a several more outfits fit, including one dress that I bought years ago when I lost about 20lbs and used to feel SO sexy in.
The thing is, although they fit and looking in the mirror they looked great, I just didn't FEEL great in them. After gaining and losing over 110lbs, having a baby and then gallbladder surgery 2yrs ago, my body isn't the same as it was all those years ago. My boobs are like deflated saggy bags, although it has improved I still have a bad tummy apron, and I have scars from the surgery. I stood in this dress and although it looked nice, I just knew I wouldn't have the confidence to wear it. I felt like it was obvious my boobs were sagging even with a good bra on, and was paranoid that once I started moving about my tummy apron would be obvious as well.
I am mostly ecstatic about my weight loss, I honestly never imagined a year ago I'd have lost 114lbs and be in a UK 12/14, and no matter what happens I wouldn't put the weight back on to avoid the deflated saggy skin, but I just feel really down about this. I would love to wear sexy dresses again but right now I can't see that happening if my apron isn't going to improve A LOT. I know that I have another 15lbs to lose to get me to a healthy BMI so there is definitely still improvement to be made, and after I get to goal I'm planning on hiring personal trainer at my gym for some sessions to see if I can get myself toned up some more, but right now I just feel like I've worked so hard to get to this point, and now I'm here it's not all I hoped for.