Sunday, 13 March 2011

If Only I Could Realise That Everytime

This week has been hard. The first couple of days after my huge binge last Sunday were ok, Monday I really didn't want to eat I felt so sick and bloated, but come Wednesday the cravings were back. Thankfully I managed to just tell myself NO and kept going. The Binge Free Lent I've put myself on I think has actually helped me so far because I've just been concentrating on one day at a time and seeing that as a mini victory. I told myself on a weekend I can eat more and have some treats, but I CANNOT let it turn into a binge. Eating more than usual doesn't tip me over the edge emotionally, but binging does, and all the old hate and disgust comes flooding back, so I really really want to try to make binging a thing of the past again, like I did during my weight loss.
Friday DH brought home takeaway for dinner. It was planned and I did eat a fair bit, including dessert, but I made sure to enjoy it all, eat slowly, and once it was finished that was it, I stopped eating and didn't allow myself to think about eating anything else.
Yesterday was fairly easy during the day although I did have thoughts of binging, but I ignored them. Come last night though it got tough. DH made us a dessert after DD had gone to bed. It was quite an indulgent one but even as I ate it, it just wasn't giving me the hit I needed. I savoured each mouthful but it just didn't seem sweet, chocolatey, rich, cold, crunchy, smooth, you name it, ENOUGH.... I was already thinking of what I could eat next that would satisfy the craving. I was actually getting really anxious thinking about it, what would do it, which food would calm that anxiety? Then I suddenly thought, nothing is going to do it... If this dessert hadn't satisfied me, nothing would. It had had several different flavours, textures etc, if none of those had worked, no others were likely to. I could spend the rest of the night try to fill the void inside me with different things, hoping to find "the one", but I suddenly knew that it would be in vain. I just knew I wouldn't be able to fill that void and if I kept trying, I'd instead end up feeling sick, bloated and disgusted with myself like I did last weekend.... And so I stopped at that dessert, Day 4 of being binge free successful. If only I could realise this everytime I can feel the urge to binge coming on...


  1. Giving up binges for Lent is such a great idea! I gave up coffee drinks...

  2. Well done Lisa! I did not eat so well while I was away, so I'm working on getting my diet and cravings back under control.

    Keep up the hard work.