Thursday, 16 December 2010

I HAVE To Stop Weighing Daily

I really have to stop weighing daily, it's driving me mad. I've weighed daily now for several months, and as long as it's stable or going down then I'm ok, stable days are stable days mood wise, going down days are happy days, but bouncing days are the pits, they immediately set my mood for the day and I can't handle it anymore.
I'm mid cycle at the moment which I think from the last two months is a pattern where I bounce up, to several days later drop back down and then lose a little more. But although I think there's a pattern, I'm still not handling it any better, and I'm freaking out which is NOT good. It's like every sensible brain cell leaves the building when this happens and I just can't believe that the weight is going to drop again. I'm certain that it's just going to keep going up and up til I'm back to my heaviest weight and I already feel in my body like I've gained like 20lbs when it's only 1 or 2. The pattern from the last two months has shown me dropping back down a little by now, but this month it doesn't seem to be happening yet so that's freaking me out even more. I KNOW this is not healthy for me or my head but I feel like I'm trapped in this.
I know that over Christmas the scale is bound to bounce because of family celebrations etc, but it doesn't make it any easier knowing. I'd got my lowest weight down to 140lbs and had set myself a new goal to be under 140lbs by Christmas Eve, a number I don't ever remember seeing as an adult. On Monday I was back up to 141.5lbs and now I'm 141.0lbs. I know this is stupid, I know no-one else will see the difference, but I feel it even if it's only in my head.
I really don't know what to do, now the bounce is in place I have to keep weighing daily for now to make sure it goes again, but I know that it's not a healthy place for me to be going in my head. I got on the scales this morning and seriously was so close to tears, as I am now as I write this, and that's not on. I had planned to move back to weekly weighing, on a Friday, like I did the first part of my weight loss journey, once I hit goal, but still not sure exactly where goal is going to be. Right now I'm thinking 135-137lbs maybe, but the thought of going through these head games everyday til I hit those numbers just makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I don't want to spend the entire Christmas season feeling depressed because the number isn't exactly what my head says it should be...
I've even considered not going to the gym this morning and just sitting sulking at home, but I know that's not going to help, so I'll force myself and hope a workout at least gets rid of some of the negative emotions that are flying around my head today.

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